Monday, December 31, 2012

Getting Off To A Fresh Start

Okay, so I got so busy raising Waltons...or just living with five diverse, semi-grown update like I had planned. But now a new year is breathing down my neck - and a new crisis has emerged in my life - and I think I will give this another try in 2013.

More on the life, and the crisis, is to come, no doubt. But I want to start with this - with God's help, I'm going to start 2013 with the Bible in 90 Days plan. Now, confession - I have started this plan numerous times before, and never finished it. Most recently was this year, 2012, when I started with the best of intentions but with a heavy heart dragging me down. Early in January, my brother was diagnosed with Non-Hodgkins lymphoma, and a lot of my focus and energy was on that, and him. One of my biggest accomplishments in 2012 was having a talk with said beloved brother to find out if he was a believer. I am glad to say I will be seeing him in heaven one day....but not for a long long time, as his past five PET scans have been cancer-free, thank God.

Right now, I'm starting this with a heavy heart again. Late in December, I discovered my husband had betrayed me....not quite an affair, but definitely, in his own admission, over the line drawn by God when two people make vows in front of Him, vows that include the words "forsaking all others" and "to death." And right now, this is pretty fresh and very hard. A friend took one look at me and said, "You're suffering," and that pretty much sums it up. This marriage will never be what I thought it was, and I can't say where it's going, and most of the time I'm consumed with asking my husband and my God, "Why did you do this?"

My husband's answers are hard to accept, considering the trust that has been lost over the years. But God's answers are always good and faithful, which is why I think delving into the Word would be the best way for me to face the coming year with some hope.

I would love for someone, anyone, to join me on this journey. If someone wants to hold me accountable, please chime in! And if there's no one out there, well, that's okay. God is always there, and He will bless my efforts.

If you want to learn more about the Bible in 90 Day plan, check out Mom's Toolbox, a wonderful resource. And let me add a disclaimer - I know that reading through the Bible in such a short time won't be any deep study. I am hoping to continue with my own studies and devotions. But I love reading, so I am approaching this as my "leisure reading," in hopes that together with my other activities, I will be emerged and focused.

So what are your plans for 2013?


Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Such A Walton

Once, in the heat of an argument, a friend of my older daughter hurled his worst insult at me: "You're such a Walton!" He meant it as a biting statement, an accusation of being hopelessly old-fashioned and behind the times. But instead of being insulted, I embraced my inner Walton. (I also wrote about the incident - including my most appropriate response, "It's better than being a Soprano!" - here.)

Hopelessly old-fashioned? Hardly. But I do confess to being out of step with today's philosophies. In fact, I'm not only confessing - I'm bragging. When I look around at the world today, I'm a bit glad that I don't fall in step with a lot of the things people think are okay - even normal - in our society. And if that makes me a Walton, so be it.

So I have to start this blog with a disclaimer - if you're looking for advice on raising your children to be regular John Boys and Jim Bobs, you're in the wrong place. I do have a brood of children - five of them - but despite my best efforts, I get things wrong more than I get them right. Still, I keep working on myself and praying for guidance and making sure we sit down for a meal together on a regular basis. I screw up, and my kids screw up, and maybe there's not a Walton in the bunch.

But still, I'm striving to find the words, the ideas, the products, the way to bring them up with the values that are timeless. Belief in God, to begin with. Importance of family. A basic determination to do your best and be your best. Hard work, even in hard times.

And when I put my head on my pillow each night, I count my blessings and failures, my smart moves and backwards steps, all the challenges and the smiles in between. I close my eyes, and consider it all joy.